Responding to a victim of sexual abuse: Brief Points

A victim of sexual abuse may well feel overwhelmed by shame, guilt, pain and anger. If they are Christians they may feel abandoned by God, and alone. If they are an unbeliever the experience may create more hostility toward believers. If the victim chooses to tell you what happened the following guidelines may be useful. If a victim of sexual assault comes to you for help, remember that 'telling' takes courage and they may well be very sensitive to every word you say and how you say it.

*Allow them to express their feelings. Whilst their accounts may make you feel uncomfortable, don't allow that discomfort to manifest itself in making jokes, avoiding eye contact or saying things like 'I don't think I can listen to this'. The shame already experienced will be magnified through such responses and prevent the victim from seeking help again.

*Avoid blaming them. Avoid inappropriate questions such as 'how did you get yourself in this kind of mess? What were you wearing? Why didn't you scream?'. Many victims will already be blaming themselves and magnifying this could lead to self destructive behaviour.

*Appropriate questions to ask include:

"Would you like to tell me what happened"

"How can I be of help?"

"What would you like to do now?"